I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
