there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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