i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
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Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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