don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
