if you like me you must not know who I am
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
