even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
