I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Life is so much better after having sex.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
