He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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