ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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