You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
