I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
