Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
