There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
