Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
