It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
