she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
