i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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