I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
