You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize