here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize