Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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