Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
