All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
