I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
