When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
