just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
