then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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