then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
