no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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