Who did Billy Mays play for?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
