how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
