so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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