Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
