I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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