I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
