ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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