Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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