you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
