Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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