On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
