4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
