Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
