I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
