every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
