I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Is it because I queefed?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
