It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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