My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
