I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I just went to clothing optional bar
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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