she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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