I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
