My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
