I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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