I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho