Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
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He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬