Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
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according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
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Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."