I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
