There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
