She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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