I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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