I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
