nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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