somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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