It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
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I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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