Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
