wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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