My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
