my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
