I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
