pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
