He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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