There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
